Generation "D"

We are in a generation of not just doers but doers of things that are aligned to external affirmations. We tend to focus on things that are glorified and talked about while overlooking the important stuff.

So what’s wrong in chasing dreams that you want or knowledge or possessions even? It ultimately leads to growth isn’t it? But there’s more to it, goals that are aligned to our inner self will give us the development that we truly need. What do we mean by goals aligned to our inner self? We set goals like, I want to get a certain job or read certain number of books or lose weight and so on. It is true that we must focus highly to get there. Meanwhile we tend to skip other vital things to reach those goals faster and so when we get there we are not that much excited after the sense of accomplishment fades away. For example, many of us might think making our bed in the morning is something that no one is going to know and applaud so why bother doing it. Instead read news on the phone after you wake up that might come handy when socializing. This kind of attitude trickles down on every level of ours. We overlook chores, planning to surprise our loved ones or friends and even listening to our own kids. Tell me how many of you look at your phone while replying to your 5 year old when she is excitingly showing off her art work? Or eat breakfast with a magazine or phone? We tend to look at today’s young-lings as not a very good listeners. But if we communicate to them with our heads buried into our so called work or news or stock market results, they get the message to do the same when we talk to them. I think there are many articles regarding how smartphones are deteriorating relationships. But I found that this is not just about smartphones, it is the core thinking of our society that doing, achieving something visible is great. So our priorities are in complete mess. We prioritize work over health and consuming intelligence over bonding. And that is the reason why many millionaires or people in power end up in discontent even after achieving so much. When we disconnect from our true self and try to chase happiness,we are never going to achieve that.

Now some of you might think that there is no symptom of problems in my life with my current way of living, so let me continue to chase external stimulation which is making me feel good and accomplished. But the truth is that you are not able to notice your symptoms even due to your blinkers and with your eyes fixed outward. The symptoms may be one of your friend stops calling or your child’s disappointment that shows on his face or a difference in your spouse’s behavior. We will have to pay attention to all that, for which we need to connect to the very present.

We all want to be in leadership positions, but seldom we know that the greatest leadership quality is not just knowledge but how we connect with people. And you can learn that by training your mind to live in the present, it could be through meditation or through activities that challenge you to stay present. Corporate team building events are now like biking, hiking and activities that forces people to build connection and to learn to live in the moment. Also children are greatest teachers of that, so take their invitation to play or the need to take care of them without a second thought. Now one might say that I am already tired of working two jobs, running errands and all that. Trust me, when you connect with people and to all the little things around you, your energy level goes up exponentially. You will do more when you don’t focus on doing. I wish this article makes you aware and bring consciousness to achieve things that makes you whole internally, which will in turn expand your growth. So go out and help your community, surprise your loved one, get messy with your little one with no worries of missing out on anything.

It would be tough initially, any transformation has to go through pain. Shedding our attachment with external belief systems is going to be rough. We might fall back here and there, but just be aware and reset to keep going. Because universe is so forgiving that you can always try again !

-Sophia S Antonysamy

Why I prefer to give trash to my kids?

With so much of consumerism it is hard to decide on which toy to buy. While kids seem to love everything it is absolutely not possible to buy the whole store.

Believe it or not, children not only love repetition but are also equally passionate about new stuffs. That is why each time when we stop to run errands we get bombarded with pleas followed by tantrums for toys, books and other things. We then go into hindsight mode that today’s generation are much more adamant and are less grateful compared to ours. But that’s not true. Children are just curious about various things, they are learning hands on and through practical experiments. Now when we were little, we perhaps got that freedom by being in the woods all day or just playing with friends in the neighborhood. We explored without realizing that it’s going to be a privilege one day. So what do we do? We got to keep them safe, we got to protect our carpets and we are responsible for keeping our home in order. To achieve that we don’t have to curb creativity or say no to everything.

Like every parent I was in a dilemma of how to encourage my kids without being wasteful. And then one fine day I noticed that children love new stuffs but that does not mean brand new toy or book from the store. Your old packaging box, broken jewelry, unwanted crayons, magazines, kitchen waste and so on are equally intriguing. And in that moment I decided to give trash to my kids every single day. You might want to spend a little to clear up an area for them, could be your basement, garage or a room. Cover your floor & tables with waterproof mats and non toxic foam, customize the way you want. And then just sit back to watch awesomeness being unfolded. You would be surprised to see that most of the time it keeps your little ones busy more than a $20 toy would do. And as a parent you are mentally prepared to see chaos or spills in that assigned area. It also makes clean ups easier since children have a sense of ownership that it’s their workplace. And you will joyfully pitch in as well to clear off if needed.

So if you are stressed out cleaning & keeping your kids busy then it’s time for you to think before you throw something out and instead give it to your budding scientists. Because happy kids equals happy family!

The most important thing you need to know as a Parent !

Every generation faces its own challenges. And today’s common one I have come across is the choices we make as parents. Plenty of theories about what is good for our kids is published and circulated to help us out. But the result I found with this bombardment of information is not clarity but indecisiveness.

Believe it or not parenting is the most complex and also the most important thing in the world. Each parent face their own uncertainty and hurdles with no book of instruction or manual. With so many personality disorders, issues related to bullying, crimes triggered by unreal characters or games we cannot overlook child upbringing as something secondary. Nor we want to create another bunch of Millennials with high sense of entitlement and narcissism. So we are pretty much aware what is going on, what we are not aware is what we should be doing.

Pressures mount especially on primary caregiver who in most cases are Moms. Some support working mothers, some say stay at home moms are the best. Same goes with homeschooling, breastfeeding, working full time, part time or social work leading to what we call as “ Mommy wars”. Let’s put aside all these theories for a moment. Because no one in those debates brought the most important point that will solve this confusion. And that is, to set an example for your kids that you are strong enough to choose your own unique path without being led by other people’s expectations. When you truly do that you won’t be guilty, depressed or confused.

When you work for passion you won’t be guilty, when you take off for the training program you dream about it will certainly make you fulfilled. Also when you play with your munchkins and take them to a park because your heart said so, you definitely will be proud. The bottom line is, aim to be truly happy rather than finding answers that support your vulnerability.

Parenting is not child upbringing alone, but also the happiness of two people who have been given this greatest responsibility. When you work with Company A, you don’t bother about what an employee from Company Z thinks about you. It is as simple as that, you just have to focus on your duties and passion to be happier and successful. Remember, leaders will create more leaders and I hope we do that right from our home.

Whom do you love the most?

Whom do you love the most? We may get answers like my family, my best friend, my dog and so on. What if I say the most neglected and the most important person to love is yourself. It may sound a little weird and even selfish sometimes to say that I love myself the most. But research proves that people who have love for themselves has the ability to love others too in the same way. So how do we express that love for ourselves? The answer is “ Me Time”

Sounds simple, but hardly followed in reality. Have you noticed the cause of resentment? People often say things like, “ Oh I hate my job” or “ All I do is just cooking & cleaning”. I agree sometimes it's true calling to switch professions and opt for something new. But most of the time it is simply because we didn’t take that slot to bolster ourselves. Now let's define our me time. Is it flipping channels for an hour? Is it browsing endlessly with no specific goal? Is it venting with a friend?and I am sure your gut says no.

Me time is something that you specifically want to do, something related to your passion, something that makes you grow. It could be reading a book, going for a class or even watching your favorite program. The test is, you must feel replenished rather than drained after your chosen activity.

Now comes the common blame, “ I don’t have time for all that”, “ I work full time”, “ I have kids”. The point is, you can either blame and be regretful or you can take ownership and actively infuse time for yourself on everyday basis. To start with, just aim for 30 minutes a day for yourself and I bet it will pave way for more ideas and adventures in your life !

The Gift Of Time !

I have always felt that every human being has a purpose in life. Each one of us is capable of contributing something great to this universe. We are blessed with plenty and the best one is, “ The Gift Of Time” Each one of us is blessed equally on that, 24 hours, 7 days a week and 365 days a year. Yet some continuously improve, reach great heights contrary to the ones who are almost stagnant. And often what we hear from them is, “Where is the time?”

The double edged sword technology is partly a reason for swallowing our precious time. The next big reason I saw was the confusion of being worn out. We’ve got to identify that are we mentally drained or physically fatigued. In most cases we are high on physical energy in the mornings and so many suggest that the best time to workout is the moment you wake up. By noon or lunch time, you have that moment of so called sluggishness. So what do you think we usually do at that lethargic second? Read news feeds, check emails, scroll down celebrity gossips and pretty much I would say pass time consuming junk information.

Here is where we’ve got to power up ourselves. When you are physically exhausted, try reading a book or listen to an audible. Engage into music or art. When you are certainly not in a mood to tax your brain then just move around and get things done. Play sports or do the yard work which will burn that stored energy in you. Sometimes the guilt of wasting time made me do stuff at the wrong time. We push ourselves to just keep working and finish tasks. Instead try allotting them into an individual slot. Make use of your downtime wisely, we can’t control what's happening when we are at work or during childcare for instance. But we can certainly make use of our travel time, break time and other miscellaneous hours that we own. The thumb rule is, ask yourself often that are you making this minute useful? And if the answer is no, then switch immediately.

So what happens when you are both physically & mentally exhausted? You sleep! Yes, sleep is overrated sometimes, but the truth is you need sleep if you doze off within 3-5 minutes of shutting your eyes. And practically speaking, when you feel that you are dead tired after all that hard day of work, your mind is still open for some book reading or do something that you love before hitting the sack. The result is, you are far less fatigued when you feel full in terms of accomplishing tasks and doing things that makes your heart happy.

The book “ The Gifts Of Imperfection” by Dr.Brene Brown reinforced my belief that you need not be perfect, you just have to do your best in your given circumstances. So with that positive note I invite each one of you to make use of your gift, “ The Gift Of Time” that would make you and the world around you to be in a better place.